Giving zero you know whats is a learned skill, and I need some training.


Is anyone else of the breed of unnecessary stressors? I am very open about my lifelong battles with anxiety and while the big guys (aka the “out of my control stuff” I take meds for) are now bearable day to day, it’s the little guys that have been catching my attention. The small stuff that shouldn’t be stressful and doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things but for some reason seems detrimental when it occurs. The things that make my blood pressure shoot so high that I want to run to the closest Walgreens and check it in on of their complimentary machines (I’ve done this before and trust me I felt like a fool waiting in line amongst all people who were 50 years my senior). Things like spilling coffee on my skirt while on the way to taking family photos and having to pull over to have an insert as many expletives as you can moment. Or going to hug someone I’m meeting for the first time and getting an awkward back pat with an “oh. ok. um. I guess we’re hugging” reaction and basically rethinking my entire existence. Giving so many fucks that a number larger than infinity would need to be invented to explain how many fucks I actually give at that moment. But WHY? For WHAT? I’m probably the only one seeing those things that way and then I’ve brought it to all your attention when you were actually minding your own and giving zero fucks.
So I took to the internet in search of learning how to care less. I didn’t relate to, and wasn’t entertained by such a modest google search, so instead I tested out, “how to give less fucks”. I was not shocked at all to see plenty of publications with “5 rules” for doing so, or doing it “like a Zen Master”, or my personal favorite, describing it as a “subtle art”. The gist of the little bit that I read basically said to take control over what affects you and reserving all your fucks for only the important things. Simple as that folks, take control. I can tell you I’ve been trying that for 33 years and look where it’s gotten me. So, in a fresh attempt to remedy the problem I downloaded an app called “calm”. It’s basically 10-15 minutes of daily meditation focusing on different areas of life. As long as I’ve taken my Ritalin, I can last through a full session while doing my makeup or checking my email. They suggest you practice in a quiet corner with your eyes closed, legs crossed, and no distractions. Not the same, but it’s a step in the right direction. Furthermore, I have only successfully done this twice. I want to be a “who cares” person, but it’s just not in my chemical makeup. I call nature vs. nurture on this one and nature wins! It’s hard learning the ways of a care-less (not careless) lifestyle without a glass (cough, bottle) of wine being the answer. Now that I’ve gotten this far in this post I am coming to the realization that if I can even get from a 10 to a 9, I’m one point closer to zero. In a few months when I can add in the wine or cocktail, which is an automatic 5 point reduction, I will have a below average amount of fucks given.
Finally, I read somewhere this idea that when dealing with conflict keep in mind that if it won’t matter in 5 years it shouldn’t take more than 5 minutes of your time. #timerstartsnow